Nervous System vs. Focus

Just before entering the podcast studio, I watched the building from my car in a heightened state that did not make sense.

My thoughts were racing. My breathing was shallow. My body felt strangely fatigued, even though I had slept well, exercised, and done everything I normally try to do to prepare for something important.

Nothing about the moment should have felt unfamiliar, but the podcast I was about to record was entirely in Spanish.

Although I’m Puerto Rican and I do speak Spanish, I’m not fully fluent. Becoming more fluent has been a goal of mine for a long time, but it has also been a quiet insecurity.

I had two immediate reactions when I received the invitation to be a guest speaker.

Part of me was curious and excited, and I wanted to say yes right away!

Another part of me felt my body tighten with discomfort and wanted to say no.

My body tensed in discomfort, anxiety–a sense of dysregulation that I don’t usually experience when speaking publicly. There was something about speaking in Spanish that felt different.

In the days leading up to the recording, I did visualization exercises and tried to organize my thoughts so I could articulate them clearly during the conversation.

Still, when the day arrived, my body felt the weight of it. My thoughts felt scattered, and concentrating felt harder than usual.

And then I realized, I was still anxious.

Before going inside for the interview, I paused and focused on my breath. For about five minutes I meditated, trying to slow down my breathing and become still.

I focused on what I could control—showing up and trying to do everything I could in that moment.

And you know what? It wasn’t perfect.

My Spanish wasn’t flawless.

There was definitely some Spanglish in there.

But I showed up, I did my best.

We often think of focus and confidence as mental skills. If we prepare enough, think clearly enough, or push ourselves hard enough, we assume that we will rise to the occasion.

But the body often has its own response to challenge.

Focus has nothing to do with forcing the mind to work harder. Sometimes when we feel tension, hesitation, or a pause in our body, the nervous system isn’t failing us, it’s protecting us from something unfamiliar.

In my case, the unfamiliar was speaking publicly in a language that I don’t speak as often as I’d like.

Pushing myself would not have helped.

That awareness created space for compassion, and that compassion helped me move through the challenge.

Instead of judging myself for feeling nervous, I allowed myself to acknowledge the truth of the moment. Of course this felt uncomfortable. I was trying something that stretched me.

My compassion put my nervous system at ease, and clarified where I want to go next.

Refining my Spanish has been a goal of mine for a long time, and I’m no longer going to wait until it’s perfect to show up to more opportunities like this.

It matters enough to me that I want to keep trying.

So I’ll keep practicing. I’ll keep saying yes to opportunities that challenge me. And I’ll keep showing up—as I slowly but surely move from Spanglish to Spanish.

Because sometimes growth begins exactly in the moment where the nervous system pauses. The mind stretches. And we choose to try anyway.